Camping is something that sounds fun and exciting to me in theory, but then when I am actually there lying on the cold, hard floor with no shower in sight for days….I start to wonder what is so exciting about that at all.

I suppose the “exciting” part about it, is the lack of exciting things around you (besides nature and friends, of course).  The unexciting fact that you get to disconnect from “real life”.  Aka remove all the digital noise and normal everyday distractions for a short period of time. Getting to live on bare necessities (but let’s be honest this is still America and our version of camping is still extra as heck).

However, on this particular trip I decided to forgo my distraction device for the entirety of the 5 days we were gone in the Redwoods.  I thought that I would at least miss having it for music, but not once did I long for it.  Okay, I lied, only once when I had a question I wanted to ask Google, but instead I had to ponder on it and wait to find out the answer……..later.   The struggle was REAL.

It really is crazy what not having your phone on you for a few days and being in nature can do for your brain/body/ soul.  I’m not even a huge outdoorsy person, but I am always down for an adventure and exploring new things. However, on this trip I didn’t even have a huge urge to wander off, possibly because I was cold… but more likely because of my self-diagnosed PTSD from wandering off from my group in Nepal and subsequently falling into a lake and dislocating my shoulder and then having to be picked up on a rowboat and be ushered into a Nepali ER to have a needle poked into my butt cheek for my shoulder pain with 5 doctors(?) standing around me….  I’m learning, people!!

Needless to say, this trip to the Redwoods was a lot more still than my Nepali hiking experience.  There really wasn’t much I could even get distracted by, as hard as I tried.  The trees all start to look the same after a while, as beautiful as they are (more of an ocean/ beachy/ cliffy landscape type of person anyway).

We weren’t doing absolutely nothing…and when I say we, I mean my Rock School of Ministry class, which is why we were on this retreat to begin with.  We had Bible teachings and forest walks and had to make food….the ruff stuff.  Actually it was the first Bible teaching that we had there that I really felt God confirming things that I wasn’t completely sure He had been speaking to me about.  Ya know, that noisy world we live in makes it much easier to doubt that you’re hearing God’s voice…

Well, I was also doubting that I was hearing God’s voice because it felt like He was asking me to do something crazy, and I wanted to find an excuse not to listen to it.  But then at the end of our first teaching, our cliffhanger question that was asked was:

Has God ever asked you to do something crazy? What is your response? 

Ugh! God! But…why?!

I just knew.  I knew in my spirit, despite my mind being offended that God was asking me to give up my car.

But it doesn’t make sense!! I live in San Diego! I’ve already lived here with no car and it totally sucked! I love that car!

But do I love my car more than I love God?

Ouch.

Ugh.

No, God, I do love you!  But I need a car.  And I know you love me, so why would you ask me to get rid of it and suffer on the bus!?

Then I look back in my notes from the teaching (based on the story of Elijah in 1 Kings 17):

Often times people don’t step out into what God’s calling them to because it requires too much trust.  Risk is required to trust Him. The reality is that we want to control everything because it doesn’t require risk or trust in God.  We have a tendency to want God to FIRST prove himself to us, and THEN we’ll do what He’s asking us to do. But that doesn’t require any faith.  Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things NOT seen [Hebrews 11:1].

How much are we really living by faith in God and how much are we living on trusting ourselves or in another broken human?

If we truly believe something, do we truly believe it if we do not act on it?

The truth is, if we want to live a life empowered by the freedom that Jesus died on the cross for us to have, we need to have a willingness to do what God is asking of us.  He has the big-picture in mind.  He knows what we need, more than we even know for ourselves.  What we want and what we need are not one in the same.  This often comes with the much used term in the church and amongst Christians “to die to oneself”.

I really don’t like that phrase because it sounds so terrible and churchy and makes me not want to do it.  But the truth and heart behind those words is surrender.  Surrendering to God’s will over my own.  But trusting in God’s nature and character that He is GOOD.  He has my BEST in mind, despite what circumstances may look like.  That He is sovereign.  And that for whatever reason He is asking me to do this, there is a greater purpose, not just for myself, but for someone else (or even maybe more than one person).

Sometimes words you hear being preaching to you either in church, or in class, or by anyone really, just sound like words and they roll off your mind/ heart and disappear into the abyss of forgetfulness.  But in this instance they pierced through my heart and I just knew it was the Holy Spirit bring conviction to me about what I already knew in my spirit that God was telling me, but I needed that extra “push”.

And that’s the beauty of God, too.  He knows us, and He is patient with us.  He knows exactly how to speak to us and how to stir our hearts to take action steps towards obedience.  And He doesn’t ask us to be obedient to punish us or to test us, but because it is for GOOD. And for us, our act of surrendering to His will, over our own will is often terrifying but there is freedom on the other side.  We just have to be willing to get that shot in our butts. I don’t even think that makes sense but I’m trying to somehow relate this back to that extremely painful experience in Nepal dislocating my shoulder.

See, although that was a terrifying and painful experience, I could still see God’s goodness in that experience. It taught me so much more than to listen to my instincts when I could sense this is a bad idea.   Seeing the girls on my team come to my rescue and literally give me the clothes off their backs and shoes off their feet.  It broke me free from my pride of asking for help.  I had NO choice but to yell for help for what felt like hours until someone came to pick me up when I was physically helpless.  I had to have others wash my hair for me, dress me, carry my bags for me….which is pretty painful for someone who had been pridefully self-reliant for so long.

 

The good news is, we don’t have to dislocate our shoulders in Nepal to get that freedom. If we can sense God asking us to do something, and we CHOOSE to do it, despite maybe being afraid of pain or unsure of the result, God can bring us into areas of freedom that we never thought we even needed.  I suppose the only other option is rebellion….and I believe God will still use our rebellion to bring goodness out of it but there’s a lot more pain involved than if we had just listened in the first place.  Pride comes before the fall…literally!!

I suppose that’s why obedience takes humility.  But humility is hard.  Being submissive is hard.  Coming from someone who has been quite rebellious of authority for much of my life, I am simply writing of my personal experience in learning to submit and be obedient to what God is asking of me to do, and He has NEVER let me down.  He is so much more faithful to me than I can even be to myself.  He is trustworthy and GOOD.  He is good.  If you are wrestling with something you believe God is asking you to do but it feels too crazy I end this post with the reiteration of this question….

Has God ever asked you to do something crazy? What is your response?

Ps. I did end up giving away my car.  I asked for God to bring me someone who needed one, and He sure did.  And I strangely felt a sense of peace and joy when I did.  And really haven’t been suffering THATTT much on the bus.  It’s just become a new adventure and new dynamic.  I acted on my belief that hearing from God and trusting in Him is what is required to live out my calling.   And sure enough God revealed to me around the same time to move to Greece to do missions.  Ha.  Makes sense that I won’t be needing a car if I will be moving to another country.  Also, since I’m walking around taking public transport, I got inspired to start bringing my camera around with me to take photos and tell stories of my neighbors – something I have thought about doing for a long time, but have never really set out to do it. He knows so much better than I do about my own life.  I don’t even pretend to know about my future plans anymore, but I don’t need to stress or worry about it because I know that God is leading me one step at a time.

Again- I tell you it’s crazy what removing your normal daily distractions can do.  God speaks.  We just have our mind in ten million places at a time so it’s hard to listen.  Being immersed in nature reveals God’s character simply yet profoundly.  10/10 recommend it.